Teaching Children Honesty In These Dishonest Times

Just yesterday, Ilysse overheard me and my mom talk about the Php 6.9 million caught by the Russian government from a retired comptroller of the Philippine National Police, Eliseo De La Paz and our acerbic remarks on the incident. I think she became interested in our conversation when she heard the word 'caught', and relentlessly pursued the topic by asking questions like "Who was caught?", "Why was he caught?", and "What did he do wrong?". I had to explain the matter to her in as simple as I can thinking the topic is something a child at 4 would have difficulty to understand.

I told her that the man was caught with lots of money which he did not report, and so he was being dishonest by keeping the money and not telling where it came from and who gave it to him. Ilysse retorted by saying that what the man did was stealing. I had to explain to her that it is possible that the money could have been given to him so that could not be stealing. I had to contend with the next trickier question, "So, why then was he caught if he did not steal anything?" I had to explain to her again that the wrong he did was not telling the truth of why he had the money with him. Ilysse quickly replied, "I know what he did wrong, Mommy. He lied. Mommy, you always tell us that if we tell the truth about something bad we did, you will not get mad at us. He should just have told the truth so he would not be caught."

That has been a remark of a 4-year old child who is still learning to read, who is unaware of the reality that is slowly destroying our values as a people. But, what about the millions of Filipino children around the country who are older, more aware of what is happening around them, those know how to read, those who watch and hear the daily news, those who know the Hello Garci scandal, the ZTE-NBN deal, the Court of Appeals fiasco, and an endless string of other indignations. What do all these illustrations of dishonesty that this government has blatantly displayed and paraded for the last 4 years teach our children? That it is ok to lie as long as you are in power, as long as you are rich or simply, that there is nothing wrong in lying and at the other end of the spectrum, if you lie, you will get richer; if you lie, you will be more powerful.

What can we do to protect our children from this distorted sense of values? We cannot, obviously, shelter them perpetually from the evils of society and government. But, we can arm them with a good sense of what is true, noble and just not only by example by also by actually teaching them these values. However, teaching children the values of honesty, courage, self-discipline and moderation, justice and mercy, among others, is not an easy job as these are abstract concepts. Fortunately, we have parents, like Linda and Richard Eyre, who have shared their wisdom in parenting and child-rearing to the world. Their book, "Teaching Your Children Values", is one book that I will surely cherish for years to come. The book is divided into values such as those I mentioned above and there are activities for pre-schoolers, elementary school age, and adolescents pertaining to each of the values. I got this book in 2007 from Books for Less and it continues to teach me and my kids the values that our government has seemed to have completely forgotten.

Cow's Milk - Is it really safe for human consumption?

Isabelle's chronic eczema was a result of her ingesting cow's milk, either fresh or powdered since she weaned from me. Ilysse recently started having rashes which we believe was due to her daily intake of a glass or two of powdered cow's milk. Since I stopped breastfeeding Ilysse only about 7 months ago, I have since been giving her powdered milk. What is it then in cow's milk, whether fresh or powdered, that causes this condition? Are my daugthers simply allergic to cow's milk? Or, is it because of something else in the cow's milk?

I finally got my answer from the controversial but truly informative book, Diet for a New America, by John Robbins. This book was written in 1987 but his writings still echo true to this day. This book has been repeatedly recommended to me by Nona Andaya-Castillo, a lactation consultant and one of the forerunners in promoting breastfeeding in the country. She mentioned the book to me the first time I met her in 2003 but it was only a month ago that I finally got hold of it.

If you are brave enough to find out what diet is fed to the cow that gives us milk and meat, I quote below a portion of the book:

"Some of the larger feedlots have as many as 100,000 "units". Here the animals are fed a diet designed for one purpose only - to fatten them up as cheaply as possible. This may include such delicacies as sawdust laced with ammonia and feathers, shredded newpaper (complete with all the colors of toxic ink from the Sunday comics and advertising circulars), "plastic hay," processed sewage, inedible tallow and grease, poultry litter, cement dust, and cardboard scraps, not to mention the insecticides, antibiotics, and hormones. Artificial flavors and aromas are added to trick the animals into eating the stuff."

The reality of all this is one that even a cattleman, Mr. Herb Silverman, cannot take. His reply to Mr. Robbins' question about how he felt about the high levels of drugs fed to today's cattle is this:

"It's not good. Instead of improving husbandry practices, which would make the animals healthier, we just shoot 'em up with drugs. It's cheaper that way, and because this is a competitive business, I've got to do it, too. Bu in the meantime the general public is catching on, and getting afraid of residues in the meat. And I'll tell you something. I don't blame them."

Our Philippine Bureau of Food and Drugs have recently been kept busy testing milk and milk products for the chemical melamine as an aftermath of the scandal that rocked China. But, in the interest of public health, especially those of the children, they should not only test for melamine but for all other chemicals as well.

The only alternative to consider if you would still like to give your children cow's milk is to give them organic milk from cows fed natural food and/or allowed to graze. In the Philippines, Rizal Dairy Farms offers organic fresh cow's milk. They have a stall at the Market!Market! in Taguig and the Salcedo's Weekend Market on Saturdays. I also have also given my kids Baby's Only Organic Dairy Formula which unfortunately is not available in the Philippines.

Another option available for children who insist on drinking dairy milk is to give them goat's milk. I recently introduced my kids to fresh goat's milk from Milk Star. Not only do they love it, but, it seems that they are not allergic to it as I even see a big improvement in Isabelle's skin condition since she started drinking it. The goat's milk can bought from the Picky Moms' stall at the Tiendesitas and Market!Market!

Aside from cow's or goat's milk, there are other dairy-free milk to consider like rice milk, soy milk, or almond milk which are all available in Healthy Options. Isabelle and Ilysse have been taking either rice or almond milk since we discovered that they are allergic to cow's milk.

Children, Visualization, and the Chihuahua

I recently bought my daugthers, Isabelle and Ilysse, the book, "More Nigthlights, Stories for You to Read to Your Child To Encourage Calm, Confidence and Creativity" by Anne Civardi, Joyce Dunbar, Kate Petty, and Karen Wallace with an introduction from David Fontana. The book's appeal hinges not only on its captivating drawings but the novelty of the topic it seeks to promote, meditation and visualization in children. I have been perpetually amazed by the workings of a child's brain and its almost unfathomable capacity to store and assimilate information. I just could imagine what more it can do if the child learns how to meditate and visualize.

My children love the stories in the book but they love doing the visualizations more. Since I got the book a week ago, we have been reading the stories, and doing the breathing and visualization exercises daily before they go to bed at night. I have yet to see the benefits of this daily regimen on my daughters. But, for now, I am glad that they have warmly received this new experience.

When Isabelle asked me what visualization is, I simply told her that it is picturing something in your mind with your eyes closed and seeing it as if it is real. She told me that she already knows how to do it because she always pictures in her mind the chihuahua that she has been wanting for so long. And, when she asked me if she visualizes everyday, will she be getting the chihuahua of her dreams, I had no choice but to say a firm, resounding, "Of course."

Where Have All the Parks Gone?

I mourn the the loss of a childhood filled with memories of the scorching heat of the sun, the glorious gust of wind, the prickly touch of the June beetle, popularly known as the salagubang in the Philippines, the hundreds of dragonflies caught and set free, the smell of sweet grass just after the rain, the laughter, even the fleeting whinings, of children having the time of their lives under the great, vast sky. I remember our backyard as my Central Park. I remember the beauty of the Parks and Wildlife and the La Mesa Dam in Quezon City and the Luneta Park and the Manila Zoo in Manila. I remember those memories so clearly that they give me a different kind of calm.

Yes, we still do have the same parks, but government and business have decided to pool all their efforts and finances to create a city, filling it with numerous buildings and edifices, without souls, with nary a concern in propagating greenery, and in the process, forget that we have parks where children play, where families renew their ties, where people seek refuge and rest. The Metro Manila I knew and I grew up in has turned into a money-making venture where malls can be seen at every corner to lure people from parting with their money in exchange for things material and superficial. Realty companies claim to promote the environment in their developments but are only truly serving their own interests and a few privileged ones.

Our children are the ones who suffer from this change of priorities and principles. Susan Usha Dermond in her book, Calm and Compassionate Children:A Handbook, explained how the lack of green landscape affects children, citing several sources:

"In the study published in Environement and Behavior, Nancy Wells and her colleague, Gary Evans, found that a relative abundance of green landscape bolsters "children's resilience against stress or adversity." Andrew Faber Taylor and Frances Kuo, researchers at the Human Environmenty Research Lab sponsored by the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, found "that spending time in ordinary 'green' settings-such as parks, farms or grassy backyards-reduces symptoms of ADHD [Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder] when compared to time spent at indoor playgrounds and man-made recreation areas of concrete and asphalt." Taylor and Kuo's studies showed this to be true "regardless of the child's age, gender, family income, geographic region or severity of diagnosis," as reported in Psychology Today. My guess is that results would be exactly the same for children who have not been diagnosed with ADHD-every child's ability to focus is improved by being in nature."

In the last twenty years, malls and commercial buildings have tripled in Metro Manila, even quadrupled, but the number of parks and forests remain unchanged. It would have brought wonder and pure, unadulterated happiness to children and adults alike to be able to see breathtakingly beautiful parks at every corner of the city without the need to go to far-flung provinces, or even other countries, to experience the gift of nature. Metro Manila had built multi-billion pesos worth of malls and commercial establishments, thus, I do not see any reason why it cannot create the same number of parks and forests as a gift to every Filipino child.

A Passion for Reading

Notwithstanding contrary views on early reading in children, I have personally seen the positive effects of reading early in my children, Isabelle and Ilysse. Isabelle started reading at 3 1/2. I also started Ilysee on the same track at the same age. I do not attribute their reading readiness to a gifted mind but to a set of books my Aunt Sally gave me, the Phonics Ready Readers by Scholastic. This comes in 6 boxes with 12 short books each. The books are arranged according to the complexity of words and sentences and are short and interesting enough to keep a child's attention.

I only devote ten minutes a day for this activity. I would usually bring one or two books in the car for Isabelle and Ilysse to practice and read while on our way to school. While Isabelle has finished the set before she turned 4, it is Ilysse' turn to finish the set of 72 books. We are halfway done and I can say she is enjoying every minute of it. She gets the thrill when she gets to read books having simple stories and would brag to Isabelle that she can now read.

Isabelle is turning 6 in December and since she started reading at 3 1/2, she had devoured every children book in the house and elsewhere. Last year, she started reading chapter books and had recently finished reading Blizzard of the Blue Moon by Mary Pope Osborne of the Magic Tree House series by herself. She never fails to amaze us with her vast knowledge of animals which she gets to read in Grolier's I Wonder Why books and Time Life' A Child's First Library of Learning. When we were studying about animal's habitats for a school assignment, I asked her what the habitat of a hippotamus is. She replied water and land while I said that its habitat is just land. She countered back by telling me, "But, Mommy, hippos give birth in the water." I was flabbergasted. She was right. There was also one time when she asked me if there were any fish that could live on land. I told her that there were none. She again replied with confidence oozing that there was such a fish, a mudskipper. Since I did not believe her, she showed me a volume of the Time Life books and correctly pointed out to me what she was talking about.

Reading has brought wonders to my children, brought them places they have never been to, widened their knowledge of the world around them, and on my part, it has brought me great satisfaction that I were able to share my passion with them.